tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC June 2, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EDT
and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 464, illinois! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. i feel the love. hot crowd tonight. hot crowd here. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. you made it, you're here, this is it, you're part of the show. thank you for being here. [ cheers and appla]
we're going to have fun tonight. >> you're a handsome man, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you very much, sir. i appreciate it. you're a handsome man, jimmy. he yelled it. [ laughter ] >> steve: never heard that yelled from the crowd. >> jimmy: i paid him, i paid him money to yell that actually. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: here's what people are talking about, you guys. after last night's indiana primary, it's starting to look like we finally have our two candidates for president. that's right. it's down to "uh-oh" versus "i guess." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's right, after winning the indiana primary, donald trump is now set to become the first major party nominee without political experience since dwight eisenhower, who was a a five-star general during world war ii. when trump heard that, he was like, "big deal, i'm going to be president for world war iii. [ cheers and applause ] so it's like muc
no. that's not -- no. now trump is the presumptive republican nominee, and he had a big message for america last night. listen to this. >> we lose with our military, we can't beat isis. we lose with trade. we lose with borders. we lose with everything. we're not going to lose. we're going to start winning again, and we're going to win bigly. [ applause ] [ laughter ] >> steve: bigly? >> jimmy: chris christie got excited because "win bigly" was his campaign slogan. >> steve: are you serious? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: win bigly. >> steve: win bigly. >> jimmy: win bigly. of course, the other big story is that ted cruz dropped out of the presidential race last night, just a week after -- [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] just a week after announcing carly fiorina as his running mate. carly said she was disappointed that it was over, but still excited to lay off the campaign staff. so i mean, she's like -- that's what she does. [ cheers and applause ] stilgo
ted cruz gave a big speech last night with his wife heidi by his side. it was a rough and often awkward campaign for them and it had a fitting ending. check out what happened after cruz finished giving his speech. watch. >> for the presidency right now -- >> jimmy: wait. wait. oh, yeah. [ laughter ] proof that he really is the zodiac hugger. >> steve: what! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can't stop -- [ grunting ] >> steve: take me on. i'll hug you. but first i'll hit you in the face. [ laughter ] what? [ cheers and applause ] you're a handsome man, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're a handsome man. but cruz isn't the only one dropping out. today, john kasich also suspended his campaign less than 24 hours after ted cruz. when asked why he waited this long, kasich said, "so at least i could say i got second p.
not that bad, right?" this is pretty cool. virgin america announced that it's teaming up with the "rock the vote" campaign to encourage passengers to register to vote while in the air. while most people see the candidates and just say, "any way we can just stay up here and just keep circling? circle for four years?" [ applause ] ooh, a little celebrity gossip, here. "page six" reports that regis philbin has been approached to return as kelly ripa's co-host on "live!" [ cheers and applause ] of course, he might say no. or as bernie sanders put it, "looks like i found my plan b, baby! here we go. [ applause ] what is going on in the news today?" [ laughter ] people are very excited about this. radiohead just released its new single, which is called "burn the witch." then immediately told republicans, "no, you cannot use it in attack ads." no, at
hey, guys, a little reminder of course. sunday is mother's day. and i read that mother's day themed pro-marijuana billboards are popping up in arizona. [ cheers ] you can tell they're working when mother's day brunch lasts seven hours. [ laughter and applause ] you ever notice that mom upside down is wow? [ laughter ] do you have any hot pockets? [ laughter ] this is interesting, here. apparently a scientist in poland recently discovered that insects actually have distinct personalities. but keep in mind, that's according to a scientist who spends all day with insects. [ laughter ] "oh, barbara's in a bad mood today." [ laughter ] and finally, i read that nearly 150 people on a disney cruise ship had a stomach bug last week, and it's being investigated by the center for disease control.
in fairness, diseases are bound to break out when the sailors on your ship don't wear any pants. i mean, you know what i'm saying? [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, fantastic crowd tonight. i love it. >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: thank you very much, everybody. >> steve: crazy! >> jimmy: oh, so good. we've had a great week so far. there's more ahead, you guys. tomorrow night, iron man himself, robert downey jr. will be here. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fantastic actor, great guy. on friday, we'll have jane fonda, andrew rannells and music from keith urban. that's happening on friday. [ cheers and applause ] but get ready, we got a fun one tonight. oh, man. he's back as hawkeye in the new marvel movie, "captain america: civil war." jeremy renner is here!
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hawkeye! >> steve: lovely man. [ makes propeller noises ] boing! boing! [ makes propeller noises ] >> jimmy: later in the show -- he's the best, dude. jeremy and i are playing musical beers. >> steve: ooh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: with some surprise guests. >> steve: oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not saying who. who could it be? who could it be? i don't know. plus, i love this woman, she's a great writer, a quintessential new yorker and "the washington post" has called her the funniest woman in america, fran lebowitz is dropping by tonight. >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my all time favorite. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: oh, and we have great music from grimes is here tonight. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: love it. want to hear a little grimes? she's fantastic. listen. here's a little taste of grimes. ♪ that's it right there. that's it. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: you gotta wait for the end of the show. [ cheers and applause ] then you get to hear it. it's fantastic. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: you're going to love her. and it's a big, it's a cool set. she's awesome. guys, as i mentioned earlier, donald trump won indiana. he's pretty much locked up the republican nomination for president. so after his victory last night, he called the current president to chat. >> steve: did he? >> jimmy: yeah, president obama. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: yeah. and we actually got footage. >> steve: are you serious? we have footage of this? >> jimmy: of that phone call. >> steve: oh, my god, that's crazy. >> jimmy: no it's not. it's going to happen right now. you guys want to see it? [ cheers ] donald trump talking to president obama. take a look. ♪ 180 days left in this hell
yeah play some golf ♪ ♪ waste a little time i don't know what else i'll do with my time ♪ [ phone rings ] >> yes, hello? >> jimmy: congratulations, you've just reached donald trump. [ laughter ] >> donald, donald, you called me. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter. did you see the news? i'm now the republican president. and come november, i'm going to be voted captain america. [ laughter ] >> all right. congratulations on indiana. >> jimmy: thank you, i love indiana. the birthplace of indiana jones. [ laughter ] >> i got to admit, it was a big win. >> jimmy: it was a big win. and when i'm in charge, america's going to start winning and winning bigly. [ laughter ] >> did you just say bigly? >> jimmy: that's right, bigly. and i'm going to be the bestest, most fantasticest president ever. it's going to be huuuuge-ical. huuuuge-ical. [ laughter and applause ] >> i can't believe it, you actually could be the next president. >> jimmy: believe it. because now that ted cruz
>> you mean john kasich? >> jimmy: no, hillary. [ laughter ] >> oh, mic drop. >> jimmy: speaking of mic drops, i watched you speak at the white house correspondents' dinner. it was hilarious. >> i watched your speech on foreign policy, and the feeling is mutual, buddy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you for praising me. i totally deserve it. >> hey, hey, #realtalk. you're about to go up against hillary in the general election. she's going to be tough to beat. >> jimmy: are you kidding? she can't even put away bernie sanders. >> i know, right. what is it with that guy? i mean, you can't get rid of him. he's like -- he's like glitter. [ laughter ] you know, you know how it is, you think he's gone and then four days later you're like -- [ laughter ] what the hell are you still doing there? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just when you think he's dead, boom, he comes back to life. he's like jon snow. [ laughter ] >> wait -- no -- what -- what are you doing now? come on, now. why are you saying that without
i mean, are you serious right now? you just ruined "game of thrones" for me now. come on. >> jimmy: who cares. it's just a fake tv show. it's not even realistic. i mean, a 700-foot wall? come on. way too small. [ laughter ] small wall. i want tall wall. [ laughter ] >> look, donald, listen to yourself. look, if you want to be president, you're going to have to act presidential. you can't go around claiming that people's fathers shot jfk, or accusing people of being born in different countries. now, now, look, can i give you some advice? >> jimmy: i don't know, ken-ya? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> all right, okay. not that again. all right. don't make me go "lemonade" on your ass. >> jimmy: watch it. [ cheers ] >> 'cause i will. >> jimmy: you don't want to mess with "donald with the good hair." [ laughter ] >> all right, look, hey, before i go, i just -- i got to ask you, what poor soul are you going to choose to be your vice
>> jimmy: well, i'm leaning towards a politician. someone with experience, someone who complements me. >> oh, you mean someone who has a different skill set than you? >> no, i mean someone who literally compliments me. [ laughter ] like, "donald, you're great. donald, you're fantastic. donald, you're the best donald who ever donalded." >> see what you need is you need someone who is intelligent, eloquent and can inspire people. >> jimmy: okay. maybe i'll choose you as my vp. >> oh, hell no. [ laughter ] uh-uh. look, in eight months, i'm going to be on the beach, taking pills in ibiza. [ laughter ] eating cake by the ocean. obama out. >> jimmy: cue the music. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ...and stumbled upon some stranded enthusiasts.d...
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friday. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jeremy renner! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you are a handsome man, jeremy renner. >> what's happening? >> jimmy: hey, welcome back to the show. looking good, buddy. >> thank you. good to be here. >> jimmy: i want to talk about this big -- you went to -- you had the premiere in los angeles. right, for "captain america: civil war"? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you got to meet one of your childhood heros. >> yeah, yeah, it was actually in london, in this giant mall, and there's thousands and thousands of people, many levels of people, and we were signing autographs. i turn around and see this guy who has a beard and i thought he was lso
like, what's this guy doing? [ light laughter ] i go backstage and two minutes later, and i realize it's mark hamill, it's luke skywalker. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] but he had this tremendous beard, like more like obi-wan kenobi. he had this tremendous beautiful beard. but i saw him and i literally -- i think i peed a little. [ laughter ] i said, "i had you in my underwear. your face was on my underwear." >> jimmy: he's like, "who's this creep?" >> yeah. [ laughter ] then we traded action figures and it was cool. sent me on my way. >> jimmy: how cool is that? we got this picture of you posing with him. >> yeah, elizabeth was crying. >> jimmy: elizabeth olsen right there. >> she was just weeping. it was tremendous. so cool, man. really, really, lovely image. >> jimmy: is it weird to have you own action figure and to be like everywhere? i mean, you have a daughter. >> yeah, yeah, i think all that stuff's kind of weird. the little touch yourself toys. i don't know what to do with those things. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's if you play with it yourself. >> i mean, if i played with it it's a touch yourself toy. >> jimmy: like you haven't played with yourself. [ light laughter ]
i can only say that touch yourself toy. >> jimmy: the toy, of course. what are you guys talking about? >> no but, yeah, my daughter like has -- >> jimmy: she's a baby still, right? >> she's three, yeah. she got these pajamas that have all the avengers on them. and most of their fa -- like the hulk is this angry guy. you can't tell who that is because he's the hulk. but you can pick out thor, he's got the hammer. and she's like, "and that's hawkeye and he looks like daddy. [ laughter ] no, but i'm like, "so that's daddy, right? he's daddy." she's like, "no, no, that's hawkeye." [ laughter ] he looks like daddy. >> jimmy: he looks like daddy. >> he looks like daddy. >> jimmy: that's super cute. [ audience aws ] you know i was thinking we have another thing in common besides having a little girl. we have -- we were both computer science majors in college. >> yeah, why did we do that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i loved it. i was -- i -- >> you did? >> jimmy: i was fantastic, yeah. i really loved it so much. >> i think i took one class. because i was really good at software and programming and dos and pascal and all those. when i went in, i had to take a a computer apart, take out all the parts.
this is lame. i looked at everybody kind of doing it. i'm like, i don't really want to hang out with any of these people anyway. [ laughter ] i'm not doing computer science anymore. >> jimmy: i loved it, man. i loved taking things apart and fixing things. >> you were in it. >> jimmy: yeah. i loved -- i used to clean vcrs for people in my dorm room for extra money. [ laughter ] >> that's what -- what did you use? like, alcohol and a little cotton swab, right? >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] don't give my secret away. [ laughter ] >> you made some good money. >> jimmy: i got five bucks for that. oh, i loved it. i think -- i changed majors when i was a senior because it just, the program was too much -- >> it took you that long? >> jimmy: yeah, i minored in it. i got my minor in computer science. >> how's that working for you now? >> jimmy: fantastic. [ laughter ] i invented this. yeah. whatever, it's nothing. there we go. let's talk about "captain america: civil war." i mean, gosh, thank god there are computer programmers. 'cause the cgi in this thing is like -- this is where technology's going. this is where films are going. it's like, it's the biggest,
i've seen in a long time. i loved it. >> yeah, it immerses a lot, a a lot of people with the effects today. >> jimmy: oh, it's just insane to me. i don't want to spoil anything, obviously. spoiler alert. but -- >> i haven't seen the movie anyways and please don't spoil anything for me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. you -- you die at the end. >> ah, dang it! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. he doesn't. well, maybe he does. [ laughter ] it's great, but it's good to see all of your favorite -- all the avengers. it's iron man's team versus captain america's team. >> yep. yeah. >> jimmy: and they go head-to-head. i mean, they fight the whole movie. >> the end of that giant sequence at the airport, that we all fight together, we come charging -- >> jimmy: were you actually in the scene with everybody? >> well, not really. you kind of -- there's tents set up on this big concrete sort of airport, if you will, and you saw everybody's costume and half the people were working, the other half weren't. so it's kind of like being in a a locker room a football game. you see like, oh, that's what falcon's outfit looks like, and how much crap he's got to put on. so you start to understand
people have to go through to get in these costumes. >> jimmy: you kind of lucked out. you got a pretty decent costume. >> yeah, i have a zipper. i can just go to the bathroom. [ laughter ] i can go to the bathroom whenever i want. >> jimmy: they don't make zippers on those outfits. >> it takes 19 people to, like, take off, you know -- >> jimmy: iron man. >> yeah, or paul bettany or vision. that poor guy's in the makeup chair longer than he's on camera the entire movie. [ light laughter ] he's just always in the makeup chair all day long, taking it on, taking it off. >> jimmy: but him in particular, he looks fantastic. >> he's amazing. >> jimmy: 'cause the make-up is great. everything's top notch. and the russo brothers did a a great job directing. >> yeah, they're fantastic. >> jimmy: the pace goes and it just doesn't stop. it's a runaway train. i want to show everyone a clip. here's jeremy renner, elizabeth olsen and paul bettany in "captain america: civil war." take a look at this. >> guess i should have knocked. >> oh, my god. what are you doing here? >> disappointing my kids.
supposed to go water skiing. cap needs our help. come on. >> clint. you should not be here. >> really? i retire for what, like, five minutes and it all goes -- >> please consider the consequence of your actions. >> okay, they're considered. okay, we got to go. ♪ >> jimmy: it is fun, baby! [ cheers ] fun. [ applause ] congratulations on that. it's good stuff. >> yeah. >> jimmy: jeremy and i are playing musical beers with some surprise guests. [ cheers ] surprise guests when we come back. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i'm here with my man jeremy renner! [ cheers and applause ] he stars as hawkeye in "captain america: civil war," which is in theaters, imax, and imax 3d this friday. we're about to play a round of musical beers. but we're going to need a few more players. so, joining us from "captain america: civil war" are scarlet witch, vision, and winter soldier. [ cheers ] please welcome elizabeth olsen, paul bettany and sebastian stan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ come on! >> get ready! >> jimmy: all right, we'll do it, we'll do it. guys, now. the game works like musical chairs, but instead of diving into empty chairs, we're grabbing these red cups of beer. when the music stops, one person will be left empty-handed. they're out of the game and have to hang out with our dj up there.
dj jonathan hamburger. [ laughter ] now, we're going to do four rounds. the last one standing is the musical beers champion. okay, everybody, space yourself out and get ready. >> oh, really? there? ♪ >> which way are we walking? >> why are you -- >> jimmy: that way. >> okay. >> jimmy: yeah. don't look at me. [ laughter ] ♪ don't touch it! ooh, sebast -- >> [ bleep ] dammit! >> ah! [ bleep ] >> oh, no! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: paul, i love you. >> and you're the tall one. >> we did well. we did well. >> jimmy: we barely knew ye. >> i'm english! this can't happen. >> and your limbs are much longer than ours. >> jimmy: this can't happen, exactly. thank you three. >> wow. >> jimmy: that was rough. sorry about that, paul. ♪ sorry about that, paul. ♪ [ laughter ]
>> that's a long distance. >> oh, [ bleep ]! >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: give it back! give it back. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> you got to drink that, baby. i'm glad to lose. ♪ [ laughter and applause] >> audience: drink it! drink it! drink it! drink it! [ cheers ] ♪ [ laughter ] >> i don't know if you really won there, jimmy, i really don't think you won. >> ew! [ light laughter ] ♪ >> [ bleep ]. ♪ >> i'm really scared.
>> jimmy: our thanks to jeremy renner, elizabeth olsen, paul bettany and sebastian stan. "captain america: civil war" is in theaters this friday. we'll be right back with fran lebowitz, everybody, stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the one with the chigh-strength military-grade, aluminum-alloy body bolted to a high-strength steel frame. and guess what? this is the safest f-150 ever built. the only pickup to pull the government's 5-star safety rating and earn an i i h s top safety pick.
[ explosion ] nothing should get in the way of the things you love. ♪ get america's fastest internet. only from xfinity. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a very funny woman. a celebrated best-selling writer. and one of the most legendary new yorkers of all time. she'll be appearing with bill maher may 18th through the 20th in the celebrity forum speaker series at the flint center for the performing arts in cupertino, california. please welcome our good friend fran lebowitz!
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: nice to see you. you look great. >> such a great reception. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i feel like donald trump at a ku klux klan rally. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? [ audience ohs ] it's a good feeling. it's a good feeling. i was laughing because i was actually for a second, thinking about maybe asking you to play the game of musical beers with us. >> i didn't even watch it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's how much you didn't -- you didn't even want to watch it. you don't play -- i said "don't even offer it to fran." because fran doesn't -- i don't see you as a person that would play that game. >> or any game. >> jimmy: or any game, no. [ light laughter ] you don't enjoy games. >> i don't play games. >> jimmy: you don't play games. >> no. i grew up. [ audienhs
[ rimshot ] >> jimmy: you grew up. come on, you don't play games? >> i don't play games. i grew up. i used to play games. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i was a child. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] some of us haven't grown up. >> i was very good at being a a child, when i was a child. and of course if you still persist in being a child when you're an adult, you're really good at it, jimmy. >> jimmy: i've been playing for a long time. >> in the third grade, you'd be the number one in your class. >> jimmy: i skipped over that one. what do you -- do you ever play charades? how about that? i'm thinking of a movie. one word. >> no. here's what i think about charades. [ laughter ] there are, as you probably know, people in new york who even at dinner parties, which is an adult environment, play charades. and my opinion of this is these are people who don't know enough words. [ audience ohs ] i don't play anything.
>> jimmy: i know, that's why i think it's funny to me that i keep grilling you to play a a game. what do you love doing? do you love doing -- is there anything you go, "i love that"? >> there's many things i love doing. >> jimmy: yes, you do? >> yes, but they're things of an adult nature. >> jimmy: of adult nature, yeah. would you ride a bike? >> i used to ride a bike. because i was a child. >> jimmy: very good, all right. [ laughter ] >> it used to be my form of transportation. i know adults do it now. i see them. okay? i see them all the time. i mean, i rode a bike when i was a child because a a bicycle -- i know this is against the law to say that it's a toy. a bicycle is a toy, okay. i know you can get around on it, you know. but i just think it looks ridiculous. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love that you have an opinion about everything. it's very direct, but it's honest. this is really you. >> yes. >> jimmy: is there something -- is there such a thing about new york that you enjoy that's happened now, that's a thing that you go, "oh, this is a a good thing, i enjoy this." >> you mean something new? >> jimmy: the bicycle thing was
you clearly don't enjoy that. [ laughter ] >> no, i don't. i clearly don't enjoy that. the thing about bicycles in new york is that there's the same amount of space in new york that there always was. okay? it's an island. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we're talking about manhattan when i say new york, i mean manhattan. so, it's an island. same amount of space. and starting with bloomberg, they kept putting more and more stuff in the street. they didn't make the streets bigger. they just put more and more stuff in them. so you now have bicycles. rickshaws. okay? is that a modern idea? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: everybody has a a rickshaw. >> and i notice if you pass them, you see them, it's something like -- i forget how much it is, it's like $3 a minute. it's like pornography. [ laughter ] $3 a minute. and i think, "are these tourists out of their mind?" yes, they are. there's bicycles, rickshaws. and then they took away half the streets for bicycle lanes which the bikes don't use. >> jimmy: there's a lane for chairs, now. people just sit in chairs. >> one of these las
someone said, "what's that for?" i said, "there must be a a hopping lane now." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: people can hop to work. yeah, it's really fun. play jacks. what about now they're getting rid of tipping in restaurants? >> this to me is the greatest thing ever. >> jimmy: you like this? >> yes, i love this. because i went to a restaurant the other night and there was no tipping. the reason it's great -- not only is great, because it's not that dignified to give and accept tips, it's a little undemocratic. but on top of that, if you're really bad at math like me, it is a nightmare, you know. you think of it as tipping. i think of it as division. [ laughter ] i can't do it. i count on my fingers. i've had many experiences in my life where 4:00 in the morning, i go, oh, my god, i tipped 70%. [ laughter ] or worse, oh, my god, i tipped 7%, i can never go there again. so no tipping is a great idea. >> jimmy: it takes the math out. >> they should have it also in apartment buildings. i don't think doormen will
really go for that, but yes. >> jimmy: you see that as well. >> well, you have to figure out which is the doorman i hate the least -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very new yorky thing. your opinion -- can i get quick -- i'd like your opinion on the presidential race here. we have -- looks like maybe donald trump. >> not maybe. i mean, for the candidate. >> jimmy: for the candidate. >> yes, yes, donald trump. >> jimmy: donald trump, yeah. >> it's unimaginable, right? because in new york, even the other real estate developers don't take him seriously. [ laughter ] i mean, yes, it was an amazing thing. no one believed it. and now it is true. donald trump. donald trump. donald trump. [ laughter ] i mean, it's like -- it seems -- why not regis philbin? [ laughter ] you know, i mean it's like, donald trump! >> jimmy: yeah, you must have met donald in new york. >> i've seen him, you know, at very, very large events. i've seen him, i've kind of like -- he always, like, nods to me because i don't know whether he just nods to everybody. maybe he's a real politician. but i usually see him as i'm walking past him on my way to talk to someone i actually want to talk to. [ laughter ] but i don't know him.
>> jimmy: you don't know him. >> he doesn't seem that hard to know really. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] but then you have hillary clinton. what do you think of hillary clinton? is that something? >> i've never loved her more. >> jimmy: really? >> yes, i love her now. everyone has to love her now because she's what stands between us and donald trump as the president of the united states. [ cheers and applause ] so i have nothing -- i'm never saying another bad thing about hillary clinton. because, no matter what you think of her, you may not love her but the truth is she knows how to be the president. it's a hard job. it's a very hard job. not anyone can do it. certainly not dold trump, okay. [ cheers and applause ] it's a really hard job. this idea that they want someone who's not a politician. it's like, did anyone ever call you and say, "i have a horrible leak in my apartment, do you know someone who's not a a plumber?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: anyone who's not a a plumber, yeah. >> i mean, it's pretty surprising. >> jimmy: do y l
for advice, does that bother you? >> i love to be asked for advice. no one ever takes it. you know, i have to say. i feel like i've basically been giving advice my entire life, no one's ever taken it. however, there is a situation now, i guess because of the internet, where people i don't know, kids, by which i mean people in their 20s, come up to me on street and ask me about advice about their own lives. you know? "where do you think i should go to college, fran? you know, do you think i should be this? should i be that?" and i say, "i don't care." [ laughter ] these kids are so beloved by their parents, that they just imagine everyone is interested in what they do. [ laughter ] i don't care, do whatever you want, you have nothing to do with me. [ laughter ] you know. i go, "don't become an ax murderer, okay? please?" other than that, i don't really care. >> jimmy: i love it. we love having you here. i care that you're here. thank you. please come on every week if you can. fran lebowitz, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with music from grimes.
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♪ i don't see the light i saw in you before and now i and now i and now i don't care anymore ♪ ♪ ♪ baby believe me and you had every chance you destroyed everything that you know ♪ ♪ uncontrollable ♪ if you don't need me just let me go ♪ ♪ you hate you bite you lose after all i just don't like you ♪
♪ it's nice that you say you like me but only conditionally ♪ ♪ your voice it had the perfect flow it got lost when you gave it up though ♪ ♪ cause you want money you want fame ♪ ♪ ay yeah yeah ay yeah yeah ♪ ♪ i don't see the light i saw in you before and now i and now i and now i don't care anymore ♪ ♪ baby believe me and you had every chance you destroyed everything that you know ♪ ♪ uncontrollable if you don't need me just let me go ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to jeremy renner, fran lebowitz, elizabeth olsen, paul bettany, sebastian stan. grimes, once again, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] and roots right there from philadelphia. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight iggy azalea, host of "the nightly show," larry wilmore, music from iggy azalea, featuring the 8g band with will calhoun. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump yesterday gave his first major speech on foreign policy and pushed for what he called an america first stance. though really his stance is more